"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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