Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
