I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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