Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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