hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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