fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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