I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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