I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
