just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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