yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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