I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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