Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
