I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
