My liver just broke up with me...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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