so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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