I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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