pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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