Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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