At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
