grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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