ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
