Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
