I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
