I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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