im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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