Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
