I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
