I think I died a long time ago.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
