The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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