You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
