The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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