So drunk its hurt
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
