I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
