I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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