why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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