you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
