So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
