Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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