I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
