I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
