i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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