and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
