This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
