yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
