I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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