I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
