Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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