I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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