Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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