someone get that fucking seahorse.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
