It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im holly from the hills drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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