First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Send help, water and tortillas.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
