How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
