I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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