Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
