it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
