So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
