Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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