Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
