Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
